When I realized that I would have no auto-pilot and that I was relegated to the cruising division (I had no idea about what other boats were doing), I wondered what to do. I also had Nathan's advice in mind, with me being a little over optimistic most of the time and over-confident in my own abilities. I was wondering if the lack of sleep which I would no doubt keep accumulating would keep me safe. I was still feeling super guilty to just heave-to and feeling bummed and disappointed in my ability to do well in the race. My judgement was probably a little altered.
Would have I been OK? Probably. if I was falling asleep at the helm, I could have hove-to again and get some sleep. Would have I been comeptitive? Probably not, but then I wasn't sure. I decided not to second guess things and I turned around. I think that if I had been in the Transpac, I may have carried on - going somewhere instead of an imaginary line was maybe less motivating? I don't know. In hindsight, I do not know if it was the right decision.
In any case, I turned around at about 10pm that night. I set up the kite and surfed down waves in 25 to 30 knots all night until I was between the Farallones and the Lightship. I didn't have to gybe at all (I would not have trusted the bungee for that, so I would have had to take down the spinnaker, gybe the main, fixed the lines and hoist the spinnaker again. all possible, but remember that sleep deprived, Nathan had warned me about making stupid mistakes. I also remembered the story of a LongPac sailor in past year who nearly crashed his boat on rock, thinking he was heading at the Golden Gate bridge.
This race was about managing my sleep time and I didn't do this too well.
I slept for over 12 hours after my return...
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